We finally told A what was going on last night. She has know for a while that something is up, with me going to the Dr. all the time and doing the shots. (which fascinates her... if I do one without her she gets upset.) We asked her if she knew what was happening - she just said simply Mommy's sick again. I wish that she didn't have to know what that meant as a 4yo - but she does. So we told her what was really going on.
I don't know what we were so worried about she was beside herself with excitement. She "really wants a sister or a brother" and kept saying I think it's a girl or maybe a boy. She even suggested some names... Snow White, Carrot, Nala and Elmo. And she's also convinced that since the baby will be here at about Christmas time that Santa is bringing it to us.
With that major success to bouy us up we told T's parents over the phone too. Slowly everyone is getting the news and soon if if they haven't been told they will know just by looking at me something is up.
Then at bed time we had a short talk with A about how we will always be family and we will always love her and Ellie and the new baby too. Somehow she has it in her head that once the new baby comes we won't be her Mommy & Daddy any more. It breaks my heart to hear her say this and I really hope that we can reassure her enough that she is convinced that will never happen. The next six months will be spent helping her understand how amazing and wonderful and perfect she is.
I wish I could tell her that I worry more about loving and caring for a biological child than I ever did about her. She is the most perfect child. I could not have asked or prayed for any child that is more right for T & I. It is hard to believe that any parenting situation can be as heartbreakingly wonderful as it has been for the past 3 1/2 years with A. Genetically she may not be related to me in any way but she is the child I have dreamed of my entire life.
I want to thank Michele for her wonderful comments to my last post. It really helps to hear from someone on the other side of adoption. And I will borrow her Mom's words of wisdom and share them with "A".