Friday, October 22, 2010
I've been thinking about so many things lately. They rattle around in my brain and that's about as far as they get.
Even after all this time and all of the good things that have happened in my life since January 2008 - I still get that twinge when I hear stories about babies born at 24 weeks who thrive and go on to be wonderful, normal, happy little babies. Of course I'm happy that they survived and are able to grow up - but it makes me wonder why my little girl didn't get the same chance.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
I managed to re-knit both sections and get them joined last night!
This morning I'm rubbing my eyes and clutching my coffee wondering what I was thinking.
For all my excitement, the hat so far just looks like a big curled up mess. I hope it gets better once I get the rest of the layers.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sorry for the mystery post... I took the picture with my blackberry yesterday and then e-mailed it to the blog intending to edit and add the description last night... yeah, that didn't happen...
So here it is...
A good friend of mine who make incredible gingerbread houses and the most amazing cakes has convinced me to make something to enter at the state fair.
I had taken the picture to show my progress and was going to post another one today. But then I realized as I was about to join the first two sections that I had done the decreases completely wrong... so what was my progress picture for today is no more...
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Didn't really get to do much outside of work stuff - but it's still fabulous just being in such an amazing city.
We stayed at a wonderful little hotel called Le Relais Du Louvre. LOVED IT!!! It was literally across the street from the Louvre and a block away from the Pont Nuef bridge.
I took a couple of pictures with my phone - just have to get them downloaded.
One huge casualty of my trip is the nursing.... I took my pump but between the plane rides and the long work days - my milk production is almost nothing... Poor little Eli might be getting a crash course in weaning if it doesn't work it's way back to where I was when I left.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
We had a great week with Grandma and Grandpa and the rest of the family. It's always sad to leave - but nice to get back home.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I need more help – (as always!)
Little man has a few good nights here and there where he will sleep through the night. But mostly he wakes up 2 – 3 times a night to eat. Sometimes I can just rub his back and he will go back to sleep – but usually he won’t go back to sleep until he’s had his “snack”.
I don’t mind doing it – but am I doing something wrong by letting him eat? Should I just try to get him to go back to sleep so he will learn to sleep through the night?
Friday, August 6, 2010
TC's Cozy Hat from Susan Anderson
And guess what else - the chair she's sitting in is covered in fabric I designed!!! How cool is that...
It always takes me by suprise to see things I did in real life.
Now I have to make the hat.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
It is about a group of families getting ready to adopt babies from China. We didn't adopt from China but there were just so many of the same emotions in the course of our process that reading this brought it all back.
If Yaya wasn't asleep right now I'd sit her down and retell every detail of our trip to pick her up.
The buying and packing and list making... and then that moment when you see your beautiful child for the first time...
And back up even further to the first time we saw her picture... It was February 12th. I was sitting at my desk and there she was - 8 days old wearing a funny little green sweater peacefully sleeping... Even now, it still brings tears to my eyes.
I am so happy that we get to be her parents.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Does it ever make you sad that your life didn’t turn out quite like you expected it to? I just feel sad lately. There is no real particular reason – just sad for what didn’t happen. This is not the same as saying that I’m unhappy with what did happen – because I’m not.
I guess all of this was triggered by something I stumbled across this morning. It was an old abandoned blog written by someone who used to be a huge part of my life – my ex-husband. We split up 9 years ago. I haven’t spoken to him since then – not once. It was my choice to leave – so I guess it is my penance to wonder how he is. He was my best friend from 8th grade on. We’ve both moved on to new careers, new spouses and children. I know that there is no going back – but I would like him to know that I hope he is happy and that I’m very sorry for everything. He was a once in a lifetime friend and didn’t deserve to be hurt by my selfishness.
I could make excuses – but really there aren’t any. I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain. I wanted out. He didn’t.
I miss being able to remember that part of my life with someone who was there.
I picked it up as an after thought when we were walking out of the library on Friday afternoon. An author of one of my all time favorite books had written a little blurb for the back of this book. It drew me in.
I won't bore you with a blow by blow of the story and its' details.
Just know that it is simply beautiful. A story that draws you in and keeps you there in an alternate world. Words on a page that bring to life a story. It was a joy to read.
I love to read and I always have. I will read just about anything that comes my way. For me it is a rare treasure to come across a book that is so completely engaging.
Somehow the sorrow of this book is what touched me the most. It's as if by reading this it makes it OK for me to hold onto that part of my heart that still aches. That it is OK to still be haunted by the now distant memory of a tiny baby girl in my arms.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thanks for the comments and helpful links!
I have been MIA for longer than I intended... I'm going to work on that...
I've been asked to start traveling again for my job. As always that is a double edge sword. I love going - I always have and in the last few years I've missed it.
I haven't gone to China since I found out I was pregnant with Ellie. Actually the last trip I took I was pregnant and didn't even know it. (I wonder all the time if that had something to do with the bad outcome...)
But now I've got little man and Amelia. It's always been hard on Amelia to have me gone - but she was able to have 100% of T's attention. Now it really is going to be tough for them. And then there's Little man - at almost 8mo we're still rolling along with the nursing. We had some speed bumps but all of that is pretty much long gone. I'm enjoying doing it much more than I ever expected to. And honestly, I don't know if I will be ready to give it up in September when I leave.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
My beautiful, sweet, amazing little girl is having a terrible time right now. And I'm at a complete loss for what to do.
Most nights she wakes up 3 or 4 times screaming and crying. Nothing seems to comfort her, because she is never truely awake.
In the morning she doesn't even remember waking up or having bad dreams.
Is there anything we can do to help her? Is this a sign of something serious?
I just don't know what to do to help her.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Where can I sign up to donate some yarn???
Police hunt 'The Midnight Knitter' wool graffiti bandit Metro.co.uk
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
I've been leaving early for work and getting home late for weeks. Yesterday (or was it the day before???) I was stressed out and frantic before I even got to work. I am miserable and well on my way to making everyone else around me miserable too.
I guess it is a combination of no sleep (Eli continues to wake up at least 2 times a night to eat...), doing the job of 2 people by myself (my partner is out on maternity leave now) and it being the "crazy" time of year before the new line is released. I love my job - but it some days it is pure hell.
And could it be that I'm just getting OLD??
In less than a month I will be the dreaded "39". Honestly - I don't feel that old at all. It feels like yesterday that I celebrated my 30th birthday. But now I look in the mirror and I see the littel wrinkles on my forhead and I wake up somedays and it takes a little while to get going.
I guess I just want this week and next week and the week after that to be over so maybe, just maybe I can sit back and take a minute to breathe.
Monday, May 24, 2010
I'm trying the mobile blogging...
I really, really need to write about a situation – but I don’t think I can. Months and months ago – I found out that this blog had been discovered by several people who know me IRL. Kind of a big deal to me – but I guess I let it go and stopped writing about certain things. Well – now I really feel like I need to get a weird, uncomfortable situation off my chest so I can stop dwelling on it – but I can’t…
So now I’m stuck and it really, really sucks!
(WOW - what's up... two posts in two days???)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I haven't been able to write much since little man was born. Mostly because I'm still trying to figure out what this space is to me. I do know that in I miss everyone here. Even if I don't write much I still read - even if I don't comment as often as I used to.
2 1/2 years after Ellie's death she is more I part of my life than I ever expected. But I don't really feel the need to write what I feel. Some days it hurts and some days it doesn't. It's just another part of my life now.
My usual blog time was in the free minutes here and there during the day. But all that has changed too. Personal blogs (and all personal websites) are now off limits at work. My home time is devoted to family. And by the time everyone else is in bed - I'm to brain fryed to get on the computer.
So I guess I'm just making excuses for not devoting enough time and energy to keeping this going...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I know this is a sad day for many women - no mattter what - you are all loved and appreciated.
I am feeling very loved and blessed this year. It is the first time in 16 years I have been able to spend Mother's Day with my mom! Aren't we a beautiful bunch of girls!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
With some careful planning we framed one of the first carpet designs he painted. He was 18 years old at the time. He had brought it in to work to show us a few months ago and we secretly borrowed it and took it to be framed. It is one of the few remaining original artwork pieces he has. The rest of his portfolio was stolen many years ago.
And then - because we are a fabric company after all... we turned the artwork into fabric that will be released in our June line as a tribute to someone we all love very, very much! He was speechless!
This is the artwork...
This is the fabric...