Friday, July 31, 2009

The Secret Garden Meeting - August

How do you see or imagine your baby/ies now that you do not have them with you?
I don't really imagine Ellie as anything other than the tiny infant she was when she was born. She is more of an ethereal dream child than anything real and solid.
Sometimes I daydream about what she possibly could have been had she lived - but mostly my thoughts are centered around the fuzzy memories I have of my time in the hospital. For me the most vivid and touching memory of her is before she was born when I finally got to feel her tumble and dance for the first time after the amnioinfusion.
We talk about her all the time, especially YaYa. But she seems less and less real as more time passes.
How did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancy?
I am currently 20wks into my second pregnancy. I haven't given much thought to delivery yet. I'm kind of taking things one day / one week at a time. But mostly - I don't care how this baby is born as long as he is healthy. I will most likely go with what ever my Dr says is best for the baby.


Holly said...

I bet feeling her move around was such a wonderful thing for you to experience with her.

Michele said...

It's funny; I dont think the children will ever "grow up" to me. They always look like these cherub infants to me, all chubby and smiling. Like they are maybe 18m old, perpetually. We call them "the babies" and that is how I think they will stay. Our miscarried babies I always see more as nature, like stars in the sky and blows of wind, although sometimes I see babies and just know that they are them.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of your beautiful 'dream child' and wishing you a wonderful and peaceful second 20 weeks of pregnancy. x

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

I am thankful that you got to experience the joy of feeling Ellie move within you. That is one of the best feelings in the world.


Laura said...

Thinking of you and praying for your unborn baby! Thanks for sharing!

eden said...


Thank you so much for your comment on my blog. I just popped my head into your blog, and now I feel like I have been rummaging around your dresser drawer! So, hi there.

I love all the quotes you have on here .... I love the poetry. Made me cry.

I am sorry about the passing of your precious Ellie. I can't imagine what it is like, my thoughts and peaceful prayers are with you as you carry Ellie's little brother in your belly. May he stay safe and warm ... loving the seventies exercise ultrasound!

Your tattoos are frickin' awesome. This is getting waay too long so I will shut up now.

Eden XO

Henninger Family said...

The joy of feeling your child move around - something that is unforgetable. So glad that you were able to experience Ellie moving...