Friday, May 8, 2009

All week - I've been trying to figure out what to do. For now, I'm going to stand my ground. This blog is my personal place and I'm not going to give it up.

That said... This week has pretty much sucked. The weather has been grey and rainy. Work has been more insane than usual. I lost my blackberry yesterday and I've been feeling really, really sick 24/7.

Do any of you remember why I thought it was a good idea to get pregnant again? Because this week I've really been wondering what the heck I was thinking. I asked my husband if I was this sick last time and if it ever got better - his response... Yes, I was this sick and it only got worse the further along I got. Great...selective memory on my part.

Even with the miserable nausea - I have a much better feeling this time around. I'm worried, like any babyloss mama would be, but when I really think about it. This time around is a much more positive experience. Last time all I did was worry about gaining weight, missing work, taking leave, organizing family visits etc... I never did just enjoy being pregnant. The pregnancy part was just the ho-hum that had to happen before you brought a baby home.

This time I know how fragile a pregnancy can be. It isn't something to be taken for granted. It's something to be treasured.

The 23 week mark happens sometime in July. Right now that feels like a long way off. I'm hoping that I make it that far and a whole lot more this time.

Thanks for all yout kind words and support!!!

1 comment:

Michele said...

Hey sweetie. Selective memory loss is great. It's mother nature's way of making sure life goes on. :)

You are so right. After losing Nicholas and Sophie, I spent Alexander's pregnancy worried I'd lose him. It wasn't until 16w that I finally took a breath and let go. I didn't realize how short our time together would be after that, and my only regret is that I didnt relax and fully enjoy his pregnancy the entire time. This time, it's different. I worry and I still overobsess, but I am really enjoying the time. It may end tomorrow. It may end in a month. It may end with the birth of beautiful, healthy twins. I hope that is the outcome, but regardless, I'm not letting a day get by that I'm not enjoying my babes and the memories of their older siblings.

We're 2w apart, and I know what you mean about July. I was writing part of my calendar today and was thinking, God, please let me get to here (pointing at date) and beyond. That prayer for all of us...