I've tried for a few days now to write out a simple account of what has happened in my life that lead me to where I am now. Sounds pretty easy doesn't it? Well - it's NOT!!
There is no way to break down my messy complicated life into nice little bullet list statements. It's all complicated.
2001 - Met Truett
2002 - Moved in together and decided to start working on building a family
2003 - Got married
2004 - Decided to pursue adoption instead of ART
2005 - Finalized Amelia's adoption and brought her home in December.
2007 - Complete fluke - got pregnant
1/24/08 - Ellie born at 23 weeks
3/08 - Started seeing an RE, found a uterine septum and had surgery to remove it.
6/08 - First IUI
8/08 - First IVF
9/08 - Took a much needed break
12/08 - Met with a new RE
1/09 - Second surgery to remove the rest of the septum
4/09 - Pregnant again.
Looks easy enuogh to understand doesn't it... but this leaves out all of the nights spent in tears and all of the hours spent hoping for a miracle. It leaves out the 30 years and all that happened in those 30 years before I met Truett. It conviently leaves out my first marriage all together. And it never even gives you a clue that I once wieghed less than 80 lbs and still thought I was fat. That my ED (eating disorder) is kind of like alcoholism. It's still there I just have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't need to control my life - I do.
Not really so pretty is it?
You think baby loss and infertility are taboo subjects - try bringing up an eating disorder. So I just stopped. I stopped talking to anyone about any person thing that ever happens to me.
Even here - I worry. I worry about what I write and how the handful of people who read this will react. I worried about posting my pregnancy news. I don't want someone to see that I am pregnant and think - oh yeah, what's she whining about. She's pregnant isn't she.
There's more to anyone's story than someone else will ever know!