T and I had a long talk last night. Now that the news has settled in a little bit we both needed to talk through how we both felt about another pregnancy. Turns out we both are elated, scared, worried, fearful and hopeful.
I know I'm pregnant. I've been to see my MFM. I've ordered, paid for (ouch!!!) and taken my first Lovenox shots (double ouch!!!!). All of the "business" tasks related to this pregnancy are in progress. I'm good at that. Give me a task and I can get it done lickety slpit.
That leaves me with the emotional aspect. I put myself and my family through hell and this year trying to get pregnant. Now I am and I can't beleive it's real.
When I got pregnant with Ellie it was a complete and total shock. I had given up on even trying to get pregnant. I had made peace with never being able to have a biological child. Early on in the whole family building project T and I decided that we would pursue adoption instead of fertility treatments. And that's exactly what we did. I can't imagine our lives with out Amelia.
Talking to T I realized that I don't want to do anything in the way of preparations until the very last minute. I feel lucky that we didn't have a nursery ready for Ellie. Taking all of the clothes back to the store was hard enough. I actually still have a bag of items in my trunk to take to a local teen mothers charity. (and no - even the practical side of me doesn't want to keep these items just in case it's another girl)
I also don't want to worry about a single thing other than my health and the baby's health this time around. Last time I was so focused on what I needed to do to get everything taken care of at work and figuring out who was going to come after Ellie was born and where they would stay etc... that I forgot all about the joy of being pregnant. I even pushed T to call contractors so we could work on getting an addition to our house done before Ellie was born.
My goal this time around is to come home with a healthy baby and forget about everything else.