Monday, April 13, 2009

A little of this and a little of that...

I hope everyone had a happy Easter!

We spent the weekend with Truett's parents. Overall it was good. Nothing big or exciting just a good weekend with family.

We went to visit Ellie's grave on Sunday with Amelia. Sometimes she wants to go other times she doesn't. But today she did. When we got there we found that several people had left flowers for Ellie on Easter. Truett's parents, his aunt and his grandmother all left pretty spring arrangements for her. That was so amazing to drive up and see all those flowers at her little grave.

I started my Lovenox shots last week and already my stomach looks like a funky science experiment. Mostly I've done great and gotten very little bruising - but then there are the places that just are plain BAD! I've never in my life until now wished that I had a bigger belly!! But if I keep making the big bruises I'm going to run out of room before 9 months is up! (not complaining about it as long as it gets me through this pregnancy!!!) I went back for my first blood check today.

I'm thinking about changing the title of my blog - but I'm not sure if I'm ready for it or not. Same with adding a little ticker thing. If something were to happen with this pregnancy it would be one of those horrible reminds that I'd just have to go back and get rid of. Just not ready for anything big yet -but there's not much else I think about either...

I've been thinking a lot about when to tell people about the pregnancy. I know I don't want to do it anytime soon - but there are a couple of situations where I should tell someone but I just don't know if I feel comfortable doing that or not. In some ways I would love to tell them now because i know everyone would be so excited - but in other ways I would love to wait until the baby is born so I don't have to carry everyone else's worry along with my own.

I need to book a work trip to China with my boss and several co-workers. We had settled on the dates (late June) but not booked the trip yet. Should I book the trip knowing that I won't be going? I know it's cowardly - but I just can't tell them yet.

And then telling our families... My Mom will be visiting us at the end of May - (about 12 weeks for me) But then she and my dad, sister and BIL will all be coming to visit in July. Can I wait that long to tell them? Or will they be mad and upset with me for waiting?

I also looked at a calendar this weekend - July 17th is the big day. The day in my pregnancy with Ellie that everything fell apart. Right now it kind of feels like I will be holding my breath until then.

Sorry - I'm slightly obsessive about worrying in case you hadn't noticed.


Michele said...

I dont think you should change the title of your blog unless you feel called to. I mean, this is your Life Without Ellie, and your pregnancy is part of that.

We told everyone right away with Nicholas and Sophia, and it helped. They were so invested and loved them so much. When we lost them, they were devastated too, but they felt like they knew them and that is what allowed them to grieve with us. We had decided to wait with Alexander. Like you said, we didnt want people to worry with us. But the outcome was that people were so taken aback by our situation and so shocked, that they couldnt grieve. They hadnt invested in him- they didn't even know he existed. And that was so much harder. If I could do one thing different, it would be to have told people about him earlier. We've already shared our news with friends and family. And I've given my notice at work and have started telling my staff and coworkers. It's rough and yes, people worry and get nosy much quicker, but... I dont know. I feel like I owe it to the babies to introduce them now. Even though I am still so afraid and I know how much could go wrong.

Good luck, dear one. You will make the right decision for your family.

I am so happy to hear that people brought Ellie flowers for Easter. That is wonderful!

Niki said...

How on Earth did I miss that you are pregnant?! CONGRATS!!!! Was it a natural conception or ART conception? I'm so excited for you and hope that you have a long and boring pregnancy! :)

carley said...

I experienced a loss last fall and my thoughts are that you should tell when you are comfortable and ready to do so. I'd tell those I knew would be a good support system for me in case something happened.

As for the trip, I'd tell them you can't make it, not book it and have to cancel it. I'd be worried they'd be upset with me if the company was charged cancellation fees or were not refunded, only issued a credit. I know your health and concerns are #1, but I think you should also be honest (no matter how scared you are) that you can't go.