Monday, November 17, 2008

It's a beautiful crisp fall day. The sun is shining and the world just seems like it should be peaceful, happy and calm. Now why in the world don't I just absorb that peaceful calm feeling?

I am trying divorce myself from the desperate need for another child. But like all divorces it's a messy project. filled with love and hate, joy and sorrow and lots of anxiety.

One day I'm ready to be done with all of the hope and expectations and the next I feel willing to do anything I can.

Maybe if everyone else just stopeed having babies it would make things a whole lot easier for me. But I seriously doubt if that's going to happen - so suck I guess I just need to suck it up and smile.

1 comment:

Michele said...

I'm so sorry you are hurting, dear. I think even with other children, the hurt is just as strong. And I still can't handle seeing people having "easy" conceptions, pregnancies, and births without feeling so heavy inside. It's a journey. I just dont think there is an end.