Does it ever make you sad that your life didn’t turn out quite like you expected it to? I just feel sad lately. There is no real particular reason – just sad for what didn’t happen. This is not the same as saying that I’m unhappy with what did happen – because I’m not.
I guess all of this was triggered by something I stumbled across this morning. It was an old abandoned blog written by someone who used to be a huge part of my life – my ex-husband. We split up 9 years ago. I haven’t spoken to him since then – not once. It was my choice to leave – so I guess it is my penance to wonder how he is. He was my best friend from 8th grade on. We’ve both moved on to new careers, new spouses and children. I know that there is no going back – but I would like him to know that I hope he is happy and that I’m very sorry for everything. He was a once in a lifetime friend and didn’t deserve to be hurt by my selfishness.
I could make excuses – but really there aren’t any. I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain. I wanted out. He didn’t.
I miss being able to remember that part of my life with someone who was there.