Friday, March 6, 2009

Something to think about

A few days ago Mrs. Spit published a post that I just can't get out of my head.

I had to make a similar decision - my life or my daughter's. It took two days in the hospital for my husband and I to realize that was our only choice. We never really thought that letting a baby die was an acceptable pregnancy outcome. But - I was pregnant and being pregnant was killing me. So I signed the papers and agreed to deliver my daughter knowing that she had no chance to survive.

I hadn't ever thought about it in terms of abortion until about 6 months later when I heard some news report. And then it dawned on me... I was one of those terribly maligned mothers... I had chosen to end my child's life in favor of saving my own. Beleive me I have beat myself up everyday because I couldn't save my daughter - but to know that someone out there who had no idea who I was hated me because of that was really shocking.

I don't want to get embroiled in a debate about what's right and what's wrong. I just know that everyone should be given the respect that they deserve as people whether you agree with their decisions or not. What is right for you may not be what is right for someone else. And for that very reason I have always supported a woman's right to choose. What I would or would not do has nothing to do with what you would or would not be willing to do in any given situaion.

But really - what I wanted to say more than anything is THANK YOU! Mrs. Spit for touching on a subject that has become so politically charged we forget that there are real people involved.


Mrs. Spit said...

You are . . . Welcome.

But perhaps loved and cared for would be better.

Michele said...

We were asked to abort our daughter, Sophia, because the risk of infection was high and for my own health. We opted against it and carried her until she was born on her own. The doctors told us that, at best, if an infection spread, I would lose my uterus, at worst, I would die. Honestly, neither of those things bothered me, but losing my daughter- I couldnt face that outcome.

I can only imagine the guilt that you feel. I'm against abortion in every situation. But, in your choice, you have my sympathy and my thoughts. Your love for Ellie is unquestionable. While I'm not sure that any of us ever "heal" from the wounds of losing our children, I hope that you are able to find some peace.

Thinking of you tonight...

Ya Chun said...

You were faced with a decision that noone wants to have to make - but at least you and your husband can make the decision. I know I feel guilty too - that I wish there had been more that I could do.

Michele said...

I've been thinking about your post ever since you wrote it. You just havent left my mind! For whatever it is worth, I dont think what you did, truly, was an abortion, not in the sense of the word that we all use it anyway. How is your situation any different from a pregnant mother that undergoes chemo to save her life even at the risk of her child? Or a parent whose child is sick and signs off on a treatment even though it may be life threatening? You felt that your only option for survival was to deliver Ellie early. But you weren't intent on her death; quite the opposite! I'm sure that you hoped for nothing more than for her to defy the odds.

Yes, you knew the odds were against you. Yes, you knew that she would most likely not survive. But you didnt induce labor to kill her- you tried your best to save her. At the end of the day, that is what counts.

I'm sorry to post twice, but you have been on my mind nonstop since you posted this.