Do you ever look at the pictures of your child?
I love to look at the pictures we have of Ellie.
I wish we had more.
I wish I had a picture for every minute that she was alive.
But I don't. So I wear out the ones that we do have.
Yes - they make me cry. But it's a good kind of tears these days. I think I have over come the raw pain that once was there. There's still pain in my heart and tears for what should have been.
Now I look at the pictures and see how beautiful she was. I swear she looks just like my grandmother. Hard to imagine I know - but to me she does. (I think it's all about the nose...)
They are my private joy.
I can see in the pictures the moments that she was there with us and when she wasn't anymore.
Now my pictures help me remember how much love there was in that barren little hospital room.