9w6d

This week our blurry little blob is measuring right on for our original due date of 12/11/09. The US machine was being difficult today so we didn't get any good pictures but heartbeat was great, placenta looked low - but the US tech said that was normal for this early in a pregnancy, and BP was AWESOME 116/68.

So why don't I feel better yet? I constatnly feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. T is over the moon with excitement. He was all smiles this morning after our appointment. I'm just not there yet I guess. It feel like there are just to many things that can still go wrong. Everyday I wonder if something has happened that I can't feel yet. Did I eat enough protein - did I drink enough water...

Today was a bittersweet appointment. It's kind of a long explanation - sorry... The perinatal clinic that I go to is about 1 hour away at a major teaching hospital - but they have a satellite clinic in our local hospital on Monday's and Thursday's. My MFM has set it up so that I can go for most of my appointments locally. Which is so nice of her to accomodate me like that - but it means that I have to see who ever is at the satellite clinic that day. Not a problem, for the most part. But today was hard. The MFM from my pregnancy with Ellie was there today. Don't get the wrong idea - I love her. I could not have asked for a better Dr to help me through such a horrible situation. When I was laying on the US bed and I heard who the Dr. was I just started to cry. All kinds of hard painful memories came flooding back. She came in and gave me a big hug and said how happy she was to see us again. Everything looked great today for this baby - but I was still lost in the memories of everything that wasn't right the last time. I guess I'm still trying to sort out the ghosts of pregnancies past before I can accept the present.