This week feels like a blur... there are so many things to take care of.

Ellie's birthday is on the 24th and then Amelia's is on the 29th. Poor thing had a crappy birthday last year and probably will have another one this year. Her birthday was the day after Ellie's funeral and I was still very sick at the time. I don't even remember what she got for her birthday...

I was supposed to have surgery on the 15th but had to reschedule. The new surgery date? The 29th, Amelia's birthday. If I don't do it then I have to wait until March. So, Truett is not very happy with me but I went ahead and said schedule it for the 29th. I am sick of waiting and waiting.

I wanted to go away to the beach for Ellie's birthday - but that isn't going to work out either. Some days Truett and I are on the same page and some days we aren't. Lately I'm wondering if we're even in the same book. So we are staying home.

I was going to call the florist and ask them to put flowers on Ellie's grave for me. I would love to drive up there on her birthday - but that would also involve visiting my in-laws. Yes - they are wonderful people and I love to spend time with them - just not on that particular day.

Is it strange that I don't feel the need to be there at her grave on that particular day? I wonder if it is. I like to go there sometimes - but for me that's not where she really is. She lives in my heart. She is always there with me.