The Red Thread - Ann Hood

I just finished another fabulous book! This one is called The Red Thread by Ann Hood.

It is about a group of families getting ready to adopt babies from China. We didn't adopt from China but there were just so many of the same emotions in the course of our process that reading this brought it all back.

If Yaya wasn't asleep right now I'd sit her down and retell every detail of our trip to pick her up.

The buying and packing and list making... and then that moment when you see your beautiful child for the first time...

And back up even further to the first time we saw her picture... It was February 12th. I was sitting at my desk and there she was - 8 days old wearing a funny little green sweater peacefully sleeping... Even now, it still brings tears to my eyes.

I am so happy that we get to be her parents.

Sleepy Boy

Now that Little Man is completely mobile we started using a baby gate in the door of his room to keep him safe and give him room to roam…Here’s what happened this morning after about an hour playing by himself.

He was playing according to the way the late afternoon sunlight came smiling across the barroom floor… 

 

borrowed from Michelle Shocked

nostalgia

Does it ever make you sad that your life didn’t turn out quite like you expected it to?  I just feel sad lately.  There is no real particular reason – just sad for what didn’t happen.  This is not the same as saying that I’m unhappy with what did happen – because I’m not. 

 

I guess all of this was triggered by something I stumbled across this morning.  It was an old abandoned blog written by someone who used to be a huge part of my life – my ex-husband.  We split up 9 years ago.  I haven’t spoken to him since then – not once.  It was my choice to leave – so I guess it is my penance to wonder how he is.  He was my best friend from 8^th grade on.  We’ve both moved on to new careers, new spouses and children.  I know that there is no going back – but I would like him to know that I hope he is happy and that I’m very sorry for everything.  He was a once in a lifetime friend and didn’t deserve to be hurt by my selfishness.

 

I could make excuses – but really there aren’t any.  I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain.  I wanted out.  He didn’t.

 

I miss being able to remember that part of my life with someone who was there.

 

 

 

 

The Postmistress

Wow - what a book!

I picked it up as an after thought when we were walking out of the library on Friday afternoon. An author of one of my all time favorite books had written a little blurb for the back of this book. It drew me in.

I won't bore you with a blow by blow of the story and its' details.

Just know that it is simply beautiful. A story that draws you in and keeps you there in an alternate world. Words on a page that bring to life a story. It was a joy to read.

I love to read and I always have. I will read just about anything that comes my way. For me it is a rare treasure to come across a book that is so completely engaging.

Somehow the sorrow of this book is what touched me the most. It's as if by reading this it makes it OK for me to hold onto that part of my heart that still aches. That it is OK to still be haunted by the now distant memory of a tiny baby girl in my arms.

After doing some research and reading I feel a little better about the night terrors. It turns out there is mostly nothing to do except keep her safe and put her back to bed when they are over.

Thanks for the comments and helpful links!

I have been MIA for longer than I intended... I'm going to work on that...

I've been asked to start traveling again for my job. As always that is a double edge sword. I love going - I always have and in the last few years I've missed it.

I haven't gone to China since I found out I was pregnant with Ellie. Actually the last trip I took I was pregnant and didn't even know it. (I wonder all the time if that had something to do with the bad outcome...)

But now I've got little man and Amelia. It's always been hard on Amelia to have me gone - but she was able to have 100% of T's attention. Now it really is going to be tough for them. And then there's Little man - at almost 8mo we're still rolling along with the nursing. We had some speed bumps but all of that is pretty much long gone. I'm enjoying doing it much more than I ever expected to. And honestly, I don't know if I will be ready to give it up in September when I leave.

Night Terrors

I know I'm a terrible blogger and don't really deserve to ask anything of anyone who still reads this sorry excuse for a blog - but I really could use your help.

My beautiful, sweet, amazing little girl is having a terrible time right now. And I'm at a complete loss for what to do.

Most nights she wakes up 3 or 4 times screaming and crying. Nothing seems to comfort her, because she is never truely awake.

In the morning she doesn't even remember waking up or having bad dreams.

Is there anything we can do to help her? Is this a sign of something serious?

I just don't know what to do to help her.