One month old...

This little man has stolen my heart. I just can't get enough of him. We almost never call him by his name. He's gotten all kinds of nicknames in the past few weeks... Small Fry, Tough Guy, Little Buddy, Duke... you name it... He's still sporting his full head of hair complete with automatic mohawk. T thinks his hair looks red - but I just don't see it... I do see my grams at moments in the way he scrunches up his face right before he cries and the way he holds his mouth when he has just fallen deeply asleep. I wish she could have gotten to meet him. I catch myself all the time thinking about sending her something or calling to tell her something.

The reflux medicine has helped turn little man into a brand new baby. It's amazing... he still cries - but not for hours on end. And he doesn't spit up nearly as much. I'm am so glad that he finally feels better.

I have a precious few weeks left before going back to work. I love my job and look forward to being able to be productive again when I get back - but I just don't know how in the world I will be able to leave little man for 8 hours a day. In my dream world there would be a day care where I work... (yeah right...) But for now - T will be taking care of him while I am gone and I will try to work at home as often as possible.

January 24th is coming up quickly. Last year T and I went away for the weekend by ourselves. It was a really wonderful way to remember and honor Ellie's short life. We had planned to do the same thing this year - but I just don't feel comfortable leaving little man overnight yet. I think T was a little disappointed but I would be to worried about him to really get myself in the right frame of mind. As it is right now we will be at home that weekend. Which also means that we won't be able to visit Ellie's grave.