A quiet day

Finally - after what seems like forever I've got a quiet day where I'm not running around trying to get 15 projects done at the same time. No, the work isn't completed, but at least there is no pressing deadline today. Makes for a nice way to ease into the weekend.

I've been thinking about so many things lately. They rattle around in my brain and that's about as far as they get.

Even after all this time and all of the good things that have happened in my life since January 2008 - I still get that twinge when I hear stories about babies born at 24 weeks who thrive and go on to be wonderful, normal, happy little babies. Of course I'm happy that they survived and are able to grow up - but it makes me wonder why my little girl didn't get the same chance.

All the hard work was worth it...

One blue ribbon....And one red ribbon...

Done!

Yes - I know it seems like this one took forever. But it is done and delivered for judging.

It's kind of cool to have something entered in the state fair.

I also entered a version of the birthday cake hat in a category for self designed projects.

Knitting is done!

Now I just need to figure out how to make the petals lay flat...

Three layers done!

I didn't make much progress on the hat over the weekend - but I did get the third layer done last night...  I'm really liking the color transitions. I was a little worried about them looking odd.

Grapefruit Tree

This is a grapefruit tree that my Grandmother started from seeds about 5 yrs ago.  My aunt and uncle planted it in their yard and it's just taken off.

 

I still miss her terribly.  But seeing this makes me smile.  It's exactly what she would have wanted. 

 

She took on any orphan plant and nursed it back to life.  Everything she grew she started from seeds in little cups on her kitchen table.  They were her babies.

 

 

 

 

Big curled up mess...

I managed to re-knit both sections and get them joined last night! 

This morning I'm rubbing my eyes and clutching my coffee wondering what I was thinking.

For all my excitement, the hat so far just looks like a big curled up mess. I hope it gets better once I get the rest of the layers.

The progress that is soon to be gone....

I hate to think of ripping out both of these beautiful little sections - but I know I must or forever know that I did a half-assed job of making this hat that I love....

What have I gotten myself into?

Sorry for the mystery post... I took the picture with my blackberry yesterday and then e-mailed it to the blog intending to edit and add the description last night... yeah, that didn't happen...

So here it is...

A good friend of mine who make incredible gingerbread houses and the most amazing cakes has convinced me to make something to enter at the state fair.

So I chose this pattern - called Flore. I am using my favorite yarn from Sublime.

I had taken the picture to show my progress and was going to post another one today. But then I realized as I was about to join the first two sections that I had done the decreases completely wrong... so what was my progress picture for today is no more...

Flooding

This is a video of the recent flooding in the town where I grew up and my family still lives. I've never seen water like this - and it is still rising.

Paris

Somehow I managed to survive the whirlwind trip to Paris... It is as wonderful as I remebered...

Didn't really get to do much outside of work stuff - but it's still fabulous just being in such an amazing city.

We stayed at a wonderful little hotel called Le Relais Du Louvre. LOVED IT!!! It was literally across the street from the Louvre and a block away from the Pont Nuef bridge.

I took a couple of pictures with my phone - just have to get them downloaded.

One huge casualty of my trip is the nursing.... I took my pump but between the plane rides and the long work days - my milk production is almost nothing... Poor little Eli might be getting a crash course in weaning if it doesn't work it's way back to where I was when I left.

Pea Pod Hats

I did these two adorable little hats by special request for a woman with twin girls! They turned out much, much better than I thought they would.

Just for fun

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Baby, We Were Meant For Each Other

Just heard about (and bought) this book written by NPR's Scott Simon....

There are two NPR stories - HERE and HERE

I read the first few pages. It is powerful stuff.

5am - airport #1... before we knew what the day had in store for us... 2 hours later we found out our flight was canceled and we would have to drive to another airport. 11am - after a 2 1/2 hour drive (and a detour back to my parents house for our cars keys) - airport #23pm - still at airport #2, still waiting for our flight... at least we were all still smiling!8pm - finally at airport #3 - almost home!

Home again, home again...

What was supposed to be an early flight back home turned into an all day affair. We left the house at 4am for a 6am flight and ended up on a flight that left at 4pm. We figured out that we could have made the 18 hour drive in the time it took us to get home by plane. Amazingly we all made it through the day in one piece and a suprisingly good mood. On the last flight both kids fell asleep in my arms - one on each side. It was a very sweet moment.

We had a great week with Grandma and Grandpa and the rest of the family. It's always sad to leave - but nice to get back home.

Cousins

Here is a picture of all the cousins... sitting on the bench by Ellie's tree.

If Ellie were here with us she would have been 9 months younger than Lindsey (center).

We have teeth!

Little man finally has teeth!!!!! The first on poked through last night and the second one was there this morning.

I hope this will relieve his discomfort a little bit.

I tried to take a picture - but he won't let anyone see them yet.

A few more questions

I need more help – (as always!)

 

Little man has a few good nights here and there where he will sleep through the night.  But mostly he wakes up 2 – 3 times a night to eat.  Sometimes I can just rub his back and he will go back to sleep – but usually he won’t go back to sleep until he’s had his “snack”.

 

I don’t mind doing it – but am I doing something wrong by letting him eat?  Should I just try to get him to go back to sleep so he will learn to sleep through the night?

While looking for a cute winter hat to knit for YaYa I came across the perfect pattern..

TC's Cozy Hat from Susan Anderson

And guess what else - the chair she's sitting in is covered in fabric I designed!!! How cool is that...

It always takes me by suprise to see things I did in real life.

Now I have to make the hat.

The Red Thread - Ann Hood

I just finished another fabulous book! This one is called The Red Thread by Ann Hood.

It is about a group of families getting ready to adopt babies from China. We didn't adopt from China but there were just so many of the same emotions in the course of our process that reading this brought it all back.

If Yaya wasn't asleep right now I'd sit her down and retell every detail of our trip to pick her up.

The buying and packing and list making... and then that moment when you see your beautiful child for the first time...

And back up even further to the first time we saw her picture... It was February 12th. I was sitting at my desk and there she was - 8 days old wearing a funny little green sweater peacefully sleeping... Even now, it still brings tears to my eyes.

I am so happy that we get to be her parents.

Sleepy Boy

Now that Little Man is completely mobile we started using a baby gate in the door of his room to keep him safe and give him room to roam…Here’s what happened this morning after about an hour playing by himself.

He was playing according to the way the late afternoon sunlight came smiling across the barroom floor… 

 

borrowed from Michelle Shocked

nostalgia

Does it ever make you sad that your life didn’t turn out quite like you expected it to?  I just feel sad lately.  There is no real particular reason – just sad for what didn’t happen.  This is not the same as saying that I’m unhappy with what did happen – because I’m not. 

 

I guess all of this was triggered by something I stumbled across this morning.  It was an old abandoned blog written by someone who used to be a huge part of my life – my ex-husband.  We split up 9 years ago.  I haven’t spoken to him since then – not once.  It was my choice to leave – so I guess it is my penance to wonder how he is.  He was my best friend from 8^th grade on.  We’ve both moved on to new careers, new spouses and children.  I know that there is no going back – but I would like him to know that I hope he is happy and that I’m very sorry for everything.  He was a once in a lifetime friend and didn’t deserve to be hurt by my selfishness.

 

I could make excuses – but really there aren’t any.  I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain.  I wanted out.  He didn’t.

 

I miss being able to remember that part of my life with someone who was there.

 

 

 

 

The Postmistress

Wow - what a book!

I picked it up as an after thought when we were walking out of the library on Friday afternoon. An author of one of my all time favorite books had written a little blurb for the back of this book. It drew me in.

I won't bore you with a blow by blow of the story and its' details.

Just know that it is simply beautiful. A story that draws you in and keeps you there in an alternate world. Words on a page that bring to life a story. It was a joy to read.

I love to read and I always have. I will read just about anything that comes my way. For me it is a rare treasure to come across a book that is so completely engaging.

Somehow the sorrow of this book is what touched me the most. It's as if by reading this it makes it OK for me to hold onto that part of my heart that still aches. That it is OK to still be haunted by the now distant memory of a tiny baby girl in my arms.

After doing some research and reading I feel a little better about the night terrors. It turns out there is mostly nothing to do except keep her safe and put her back to bed when they are over.

Thanks for the comments and helpful links!

I have been MIA for longer than I intended... I'm going to work on that...

I've been asked to start traveling again for my job. As always that is a double edge sword. I love going - I always have and in the last few years I've missed it.

I haven't gone to China since I found out I was pregnant with Ellie. Actually the last trip I took I was pregnant and didn't even know it. (I wonder all the time if that had something to do with the bad outcome...)

But now I've got little man and Amelia. It's always been hard on Amelia to have me gone - but she was able to have 100% of T's attention. Now it really is going to be tough for them. And then there's Little man - at almost 8mo we're still rolling along with the nursing. We had some speed bumps but all of that is pretty much long gone. I'm enjoying doing it much more than I ever expected to. And honestly, I don't know if I will be ready to give it up in September when I leave.

Night Terrors

I know I'm a terrible blogger and don't really deserve to ask anything of anyone who still reads this sorry excuse for a blog - but I really could use your help.

My beautiful, sweet, amazing little girl is having a terrible time right now. And I'm at a complete loss for what to do.

Most nights she wakes up 3 or 4 times screaming and crying. Nothing seems to comfort her, because she is never truely awake.

In the morning she doesn't even remember waking up or having bad dreams.

Is there anything we can do to help her? Is this a sign of something serious?

I just don't know what to do to help her.

'The Midnight Knitter'

Click on the link to see the story. (I tried to have all of the content appear here - but couldn't get it to work...all three pictures are from the story link)

There is a mad knitter on the loose...

Where can I sign up to donate some yarn???

Police hunt 'The Midnight Knitter' wool graffiti bandit Metro.co.uk

Grace's New Hat

I've made a lot of little baby hats in the last few years - but this is one of my ABSOLUTE favorites!!! It's a gift for my new niece... We've been calling it the Birthday Cake Hat -because it looks so yummy you just want to eat it.

Let me try that again....

Since the pictures in the last one didn't work...

Eli is 6 months old already! WOW - time has flown!

6 months old

It is hard to imagine that it’s been 6 months already!  I am absolutely in love with this little guy.

 

Welcome baby Grace!

My new niece was just born!!! 7 lbs 4 oz and 19.5" long!!!

Grace and Eli are EXACTLY 6 months apart - just missed it by 2 1/2 hours!

Stress

My house is a disaster. I have a mile high stack of work that I should be doing. But here I sit - at the computer reading and catching up. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.

I've been leaving early for work and getting home late for weeks. Yesterday (or was it the day before???) I was stressed out and frantic before I even got to work. I am miserable and well on my way to making everyone else around me miserable too.

I guess it is a combination of no sleep (Eli continues to wake up at least 2 times a night to eat...), doing the job of 2 people by myself (my partner is out on maternity leave now) and it being the "crazy" time of year before the new line is released. I love my job - but it some days it is pure hell.

And could it be that I'm just getting OLD??

In less than a month I will be the dreaded "39". Honestly - I don't feel that old at all. It feels like yesterday that I celebrated my 30th birthday. But now I look in the mirror and I see the littel wrinkles on my forhead and I wake up somedays and it takes a little while to get going.

I guess I just want this week and next week and the week after that to be over so maybe, just maybe I can sit back and take a minute to breathe.

What has happened?

I'm trying the mobile blogging...

 

I really, really need to write about a situation – but I don’t think I can.  Months and months ago – I found out that this blog had been discovered by several people who know me IRL.  Kind of a big deal to me – but I guess I let it go and stopped writing about certain things.  Well – now I really feel like I need to get a weird, uncomfortable situation off my chest so I can stop dwelling on it – but I can’t…

 

So now I’m stuck and it really, really sucks!

 

(WOW - what's up... two posts in two days???)

Name Change

Yes, I decided it was time for a change... I borrowed the name from a book - because it really felt like a good fit for my life. I've been through some really tough times - but honestly - I still feel blessed. I get down, and I get frustrated with how tough it has been in the last few years but overall, in spite of everything, I have more love in my life than I ever thought possible.

I haven't been able to write much since little man was born. Mostly because I'm still trying to figure out what this space is to me. I do know that in I miss everyone here. Even if I don't write much I still read - even if I don't comment as often as I used to.

2 1/2 years after Ellie's death she is more I part of my life than I ever expected. But I don't really feel the need to write what I feel. Some days it hurts and some days it doesn't. It's just another part of my life now.

My usual blog time was in the free minutes here and there during the day. But all that has changed too. Personal blogs (and all personal websites) are now off limits at work. My home time is devoted to family. And by the time everyone else is in bed - I'm to brain fryed to get on the computer.

So I guess I'm just making excuses for not devoting enough time and energy to keeping this going...

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone.

I know this is a sad day for many women - no mattter what - you are all loved and appreciated.

I am feeling very loved and blessed this year. It is the first time in 16 years I have been able to spend Mother's Day with my mom! Aren't we a beautiful bunch of girls!

Birthday celebration

We had a special birthday celebration for my boss today. He turned 65 and celebrated 50 years working in the textile industry at the same time. His career started when he was 15 years old and began working for a carpet company in his native Ireland. We had a great birthday brunch.
With some careful planning we framed one of the first carpet designs he painted. He was 18 years old at the time. He had brought it in to work to show us a few months ago and we secretly borrowed it and took it to be framed. It is one of the few remaining original artwork pieces he has. The rest of his portfolio was stolen many years ago.

And then - because we are a fabric company after all... we turned the artwork into fabric that will be released in our June line as a tribute to someone we all love very, very much! He was speechless!

This is the artwork...

This is the fabric...