Saturday, November 28, 2009

2nd post for today...

I've been having trouble sleeping lately - so here I sit... reading blogs. I love to read your blogs. My heart breaks for many of you and I cry more times than I can count. I celebrate your ups and mourn your downs. I'm not great at writing comments - but I do mean everything in the best possible way!

I'm a scattered thinker and a horrible writer. The combination does not make for very interesting blog content (or comments). When I started this blog I had no idea how much comfort and support it would give me.

It will soon be 2 years since Ellie died in our arms. At the beginning everything was raw and fresh. A huge gaping whole in my life that I never thought I would survive. But I did - slowly - day by day - getting stronger without realizing it. I poured out my heart here and was offered love and understanding in return. All of you have helped me heal.

I think I'm just completely over come with emotions right now.

This is the weekend I officially became a parent for the first time. It is also the last weekend my sweet little YaYa will have us all to herself. I am feeling the tug of uncertainty. Right now she is my #1. Becoming her mommy gave me more than I ever imagined possible. I hope a new addition to our family will be good for her.

Next Saturday... 7 days...

5 comments:

Michele said...

First, I think we are all a little scattered. Second, you are a great writer! I love to read your blog.

Oh... Yaya is growing up in so many ways! I know that she is going to have an adjustment to being the only child at home to being not just one of three but now the big girl who has to relinquish some of her mommy/daddy time to little brother. I know she will do a great job. She lost Ellie too and I think that she will embrace her role as big sister even more when your son comes home.

Sending hugs...

Tina said...

Beautifully written!!! It may be an adjustment for Yaya, but it will be good for her. You know your child and know how to handle her even if she becomes upset or jealous by her baby brother. I think you'll be amazed by the love that instanlty grows in your family. xx

Mrs. Spit said...

Waiting with you.

Bluebird said...

Thinking of you honey. ((Hugs))

Funsize said...

I know YaYa will love her baby brother. My little sister and I are 7 years apart, and I loved helping my mom out. I even changed her diapers!

You're right about the huge gaping hole in your heart. It never goes away, but you get used to the pain and hardly notice it, unless something pokes at the wound.

Counting down the days with you...

xo