Well - It's official I now have a round little belly to go with this pregnancy. And I have two pairs of pants (jeans) left that I can actually wear. It feels early this time - but everything I read says that you start to show earlier in a second pregnancy. (It still feels strange to say it that way...second pregnancy?)
Since I found out I was pregnant I've been going to goodwill every week or so to see what they have. I've gotten a nice assortment of shirts that way but not really any pants. (I am a value shooper of the biggest kind!!! And for soem reason it feels like if something does happen it will be easier to get rid of these clothes than ones that I take a lot of time picking out.)
So we took a trip to the mall yesterday. Not exactly inspiring choices. I just wanted three pairs of basic dressy / casual capris to wear to work - that didn't cost $50 each. No such luck!! Did I miss something? Are pregnant women not allowed to wear capri pants? There were a total of three stores at this gigantic mall that even had maternity clothes. And the only capri pants they had were cargo pants. Nice - but not work nice... Granted I work in a pretty casusal environment, but I do feel bad going in to work looking completely sloppy.
So it looks like I'll be buying my pants online...
AND - I almost forgot. We had another ultrasound yesterday. Everything looked good. Baby was measuring at 12w. (should be 12w3d, but the Dr. said that was OK at this point - still worries me but then again what doesn't???) They didn't do the NT scan or blood work since I know already that I would like to do the amnio at 15weeks. But I did have to get another Rogam (sorry for the spelling) shot - just to be safe.
Saw Dr. E again. It went much better this time - no tears until we were in the car. It's not that seeing her upsets me in a bad way - it's just that she was there for all the worst parts. She knows (and remembers) every intimate detail of what happened with Ellie. No one else even comes close to having that kind of understanding of where we were or what we had to do. I guess seeing her just brings it all back.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Deep breath
Well - I did end up telling my Mom last night. I just had to spit it out and it was as weird as I was afraid it would be. Not in a bad way - just wierd. She was very cautious as apposed to last time where it was wild exhuberence.
But she did say that as soon as she saw me at the airport she knew something was up because I was wearing a loose dress and I don't normally wear clothes like that.
So far so good... now three people (besides Drs) know.
The hardest one to tell will be A. I have no clue how to handle that one. She's already lost one sibling. I'm scared to get her excited aobut another one.
But she did say that as soon as she saw me at the airport she knew something was up because I was wearing a loose dress and I don't normally wear clothes like that.
So far so good... now three people (besides Drs) know.
The hardest one to tell will be A. I have no clue how to handle that one. She's already lost one sibling. I'm scared to get her excited aobut another one.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Complete chicken...
Sorry for the long week with out posts. Everyday seemed to hold it's own new work crisis that took every ounce of my energy. We have a huge sales presentation next Friday. My partner / co-director (not really sure what else to call her...we have the same position) and I decided Thursday to completely revise and revamp the presentation. I'm glad we did - because it will be a much fresher, more interesting way to present our new line - but it means a TON of work for us. And on top of that we have / had a house full of guests this weekend.
Everyone came to watch A in her first ballet preformance last night. She was so cute in her costumes. She didn't dance a bit but she did make it onto the stage. As shy as she is - that's a major accomplishment. (The whole performance story is a post in it's self...)
On to my real issue / dilemma... My Mom is here with us for the next few days from WI. I want to tell her about the pregnancy. But I can't. Everytime I open my mouth to tell her I clam up. She can tell something is up because I'm acting wierd - but she hasn't asked so far. I want her to ask so I am forced to tell her but I really don't think she will. OMG - I'm completely f***ed in the head. Why is it so darn hard to just come out and say it??? I had no problem blurting it out here - the day I found out. Why can't I just let everyone IRL in on it too. I know they will all be thrilled for us.
I keep telling myself it's for A's sake. I don't want to let her in on the pregnancy until much later. She was so hurt and confused after Ellie's death that I can't think about what another loss would do to her. She knows something is going on - because of the questions she keeps asking - she just hasn't worked out the details yet. But I'm sure that won't take her long.
I tried to talk to T about it - but he went the opposite direction, thinking that I wanted to keep this pregnancy a secret just for us. But that's not it either - I am OK with other people knowing now. I just can't tell them.
I can't let my Mom go home without telling her - but I'm afraid I'm going to wait until we are in the car on the way to the airport - and that will just be wierdly uncomfortable.
Why can't I just be normal and sane????
Everyone came to watch A in her first ballet preformance last night. She was so cute in her costumes. She didn't dance a bit but she did make it onto the stage. As shy as she is - that's a major accomplishment. (The whole performance story is a post in it's self...)
On to my real issue / dilemma... My Mom is here with us for the next few days from WI. I want to tell her about the pregnancy. But I can't. Everytime I open my mouth to tell her I clam up. She can tell something is up because I'm acting wierd - but she hasn't asked so far. I want her to ask so I am forced to tell her but I really don't think she will. OMG - I'm completely f***ed in the head. Why is it so darn hard to just come out and say it??? I had no problem blurting it out here - the day I found out. Why can't I just let everyone IRL in on it too. I know they will all be thrilled for us.
I keep telling myself it's for A's sake. I don't want to let her in on the pregnancy until much later. She was so hurt and confused after Ellie's death that I can't think about what another loss would do to her. She knows something is going on - because of the questions she keeps asking - she just hasn't worked out the details yet. But I'm sure that won't take her long.
I tried to talk to T about it - but he went the opposite direction, thinking that I wanted to keep this pregnancy a secret just for us. But that's not it either - I am OK with other people knowing now. I just can't tell them.
I can't let my Mom go home without telling her - but I'm afraid I'm going to wait until we are in the car on the way to the airport - and that will just be wierdly uncomfortable.
Why can't I just be normal and sane????
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Update after clinic visit
Everything is OK!!!! Heartbeat is excellent and the placenta looks good. Baby is right on track for size too.
Whew.... that made me feel much better.
There is no good explanation for the bleeding other than the Lovenox. I didn't see my normal Dr. - but that was OK. It turns out that they've added a lot of new Dr's to the staff since I was there with Ellie. Kind of nice to know that they are growing. Dr. C did say that there is some indication that bleeding in early pregnancy is a warning sign of possible preeclampsia, but we were already expecting that anyway. (another "duh" moment for me - since so many women who had preeclampsia are on Lovenox and Lovenox tends to cause bleeding... but that's just me)
So everything is good. I just need to take it as easy as possible. There's still a little bit of bleeding but unless it gets worse or there is heavy cramping I'm just going to have to live with it for now.
I will say I'm getting a little spoiled with all of the ultrasounds this pregnancy. (my insurance company might not be to happy with it soon - but I'll take the little joys as they come...)
Whew.... that made me feel much better.
There is no good explanation for the bleeding other than the Lovenox. I didn't see my normal Dr. - but that was OK. It turns out that they've added a lot of new Dr's to the staff since I was there with Ellie. Kind of nice to know that they are growing. Dr. C did say that there is some indication that bleeding in early pregnancy is a warning sign of possible preeclampsia, but we were already expecting that anyway. (another "duh" moment for me - since so many women who had preeclampsia are on Lovenox and Lovenox tends to cause bleeding... but that's just me)
So everything is good. I just need to take it as easy as possible. There's still a little bit of bleeding but unless it gets worse or there is heavy cramping I'm just going to have to live with it for now.
I will say I'm getting a little spoiled with all of the ultrasounds this pregnancy. (my insurance company might not be to happy with it soon - but I'll take the little joys as they come...)
Sigh...
I knew this wasn't giong to be an easy pregnncy - but for some reason most of my worries would come later but that's where I was wrong.
I started bleeding during the night on Sunday - not a tone, but enough to make a mess (sorry...tmi...) but it had mostly stopped by the time I got up on Monday. I called the clinic but they were closed so I called the Dr. on call at the hospital. He said bleeding was very common for women on Lovenox. (yes, thank you I knew that...) and not to worry about it since it had stopped. OK - this Dr. works for a MFM clinic, where they only see high risk paitients... HELLO - "don't worry about it"????? Who says that to someone with a high risk pregnancy???
The bleeding did come back later on during the day with mild cramping (but that might have been my overactive brain by that point). Not nearly as much but still definate bright red blood.
I'm hoping when I call my clinic this morning and talk to Dr. J's nurse she will tell me to come in and check it out. I could at least calm my racing mind.
That's all I really wanted yesterday when I called the on-call service. I know bleeding is common especially for someone on Lovenox - but when it is happening to you it doesn't feel like someting to be calm and rational about.
I started bleeding during the night on Sunday - not a tone, but enough to make a mess (sorry...tmi...) but it had mostly stopped by the time I got up on Monday. I called the clinic but they were closed so I called the Dr. on call at the hospital. He said bleeding was very common for women on Lovenox. (yes, thank you I knew that...) and not to worry about it since it had stopped. OK - this Dr. works for a MFM clinic, where they only see high risk paitients... HELLO - "don't worry about it"????? Who says that to someone with a high risk pregnancy???
The bleeding did come back later on during the day with mild cramping (but that might have been my overactive brain by that point). Not nearly as much but still definate bright red blood.
I'm hoping when I call my clinic this morning and talk to Dr. J's nurse she will tell me to come in and check it out. I could at least calm my racing mind.
That's all I really wanted yesterday when I called the on-call service. I know bleeding is common especially for someone on Lovenox - but when it is happening to you it doesn't feel like someting to be calm and rational about.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Spoiler
OK - I'm a sucker... I bought the Intelligender test last week. I'm one of those people who just can't stand not to know. Even watching movies - I'd much rather know what was coming up than wait to find out. (This completely drive T nuts...) Birthdays - I've bought my own gifts from about 12yo on... terrible but true...
I've been debating all week about doing it or not doing it. So today I took the test....
There is an 82% chance that it is a BOY... (OK - I understand that we won't know for sure for a while yet...but I will know eventually)
The whole time I was pregnant with Ellie we were convinced that she was going to be a boy. This time I really thought it would be another little girl. Guess I'm just completely of base.
I've been debating all week about doing it or not doing it. So today I took the test....
There is an 82% chance that it is a BOY... (OK - I understand that we won't know for sure for a while yet...but I will know eventually)
The whole time I was pregnant with Ellie we were convinced that she was going to be a boy. This time I really thought it would be another little girl. Guess I'm just completely of base.
Did you know?
My boss sent me the link to this video. It's a pretty cool way of communicating how quickly our world has changed and continues to change.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL9Wu2kWwSY
(Sorry - I couldn't figure out how to make the actual video show up in my blog post... I'm a bit technologically chanllenged!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)