Stress

My house is a disaster. I have a mile high stack of work that I should be doing. But here I sit - at the computer reading and catching up. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.

I've been leaving early for work and getting home late for weeks. Yesterday (or was it the day before???) I was stressed out and frantic before I even got to work. I am miserable and well on my way to making everyone else around me miserable too.

I guess it is a combination of no sleep (Eli continues to wake up at least 2 times a night to eat...), doing the job of 2 people by myself (my partner is out on maternity leave now) and it being the "crazy" time of year before the new line is released. I love my job - but it some days it is pure hell.

And could it be that I'm just getting OLD??

In less than a month I will be the dreaded "39". Honestly - I don't feel that old at all. It feels like yesterday that I celebrated my 30th birthday. But now I look in the mirror and I see the littel wrinkles on my forhead and I wake up somedays and it takes a little while to get going.

I guess I just want this week and next week and the week after that to be over so maybe, just maybe I can sit back and take a minute to breathe.

What has happened?

I'm trying the mobile blogging...

 

I really, really need to write about a situation – but I don’t think I can.  Months and months ago – I found out that this blog had been discovered by several people who know me IRL.  Kind of a big deal to me – but I guess I let it go and stopped writing about certain things.  Well – now I really feel like I need to get a weird, uncomfortable situation off my chest so I can stop dwelling on it – but I can’t…

 

So now I’m stuck and it really, really sucks!

 

(WOW - what's up... two posts in two days???)

Name Change

Yes, I decided it was time for a change... I borrowed the name from a book - because it really felt like a good fit for my life. I've been through some really tough times - but honestly - I still feel blessed. I get down, and I get frustrated with how tough it has been in the last few years but overall, in spite of everything, I have more love in my life than I ever thought possible.

I haven't been able to write much since little man was born. Mostly because I'm still trying to figure out what this space is to me. I do know that in I miss everyone here. Even if I don't write much I still read - even if I don't comment as often as I used to.

2 1/2 years after Ellie's death she is more I part of my life than I ever expected. But I don't really feel the need to write what I feel. Some days it hurts and some days it doesn't. It's just another part of my life now.

My usual blog time was in the free minutes here and there during the day. But all that has changed too. Personal blogs (and all personal websites) are now off limits at work. My home time is devoted to family. And by the time everyone else is in bed - I'm to brain fryed to get on the computer.

So I guess I'm just making excuses for not devoting enough time and energy to keeping this going...

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone.

I know this is a sad day for many women - no mattter what - you are all loved and appreciated.

I am feeling very loved and blessed this year. It is the first time in 16 years I have been able to spend Mother's Day with my mom! Aren't we a beautiful bunch of girls!