Finally some new pictures!!!

Eli zonked out on the couch last night..
He was a giggle-puss at dinner. He has discovered that he LOVES attention!
Amelia was to tired for picture taking...she stayed up the night before to watch Survivor with us.

Measuring up

This past weekend was a completely bittersweet moment. Little man slept the night in his crib for the first time on Saturday. (He didn't sleep through the night - but he did spend his sleep time in his crib.) We've been working towards this for a couple of weeks. So you would think that when it finally happened I would feel like I had actually accomplished something. But instead - I felt so completely sad... I couldn't close my eyes and drift off to sleep knowing that my sweet little guy was just an arm's reach away. Instead I had to rely on hearing him wake up with the monitor. And I never anticipated what a big difference him sleeping in the crib would make to my sleep!! It takes a whole lot more wakefulness to get out of bed, walk down the hall and sit in the rocker to feed him at 3am than it did to roll over scoop him up and get back in bed!!! I guess that's just me being selfish - but I'm just saying... from my perspective it makes a lot more sense to keep him in the bedroom!

The real point of my post is something completely different. This weekend I stepped on the scale and saw a number that I haven't seen since Oct. 2007. Now - you may wonder how I know what I weighed almost 3 years ago. It is exactly what I weighed when we went in for our first OB visit after I found out I was pregnant with Ellie. At the time it was heavier than I had been in a while. But now - it's the least I've weighed since then.

And then it hit me. I don't measure my life in months or years - I measure it by how much I weigh at any given time. My life is measured by the ups and downs of my weight. I guess it had never really occured to me exactly how deeply my eating disordered thinking ran.

• I weighed xxx when I met T
• I weighed ### when I turned 30
• I weighed ** when I was at my sickest
• I weighed ^^^ when I came home from the hospital after Ellie died
• I weighed !! when I was 6 years old

I could make you a list that spans all of my school years and on into adulthood.

I haven't abandoned this blog!!!

I have been horribly busy at work and at home...

I have several posts in mind to write - just no time to actually write them!!!

More babies...

Look at these cute little babies! aren't they just adorable!

Two of my chinese co-workers had babies in November. I sent them each one of my baby hats.

99 days

Tomorrow little man will be 100 days old!

I can hardly believe that he has been with us for that long already.

He has moved from being a tiny screaming bundle to a happy little guy. One of the favorite parts of my day is seeing him wake up with a smile on his face when I pick him up.

And then seeing how his face lights up when his big sister talks to him - that just melts my heart! It is amazing how they have connected in just 3 months. YaYa will do dance shows for him. He happily sits in his bouncy seat and kicks up a storm. And She is always trying to teach him how to do things - like how to play with his toys. They have whole conversations of cute little baby noises.

Just like bringing Amelia home erased all of the anxiety from 10 months of waiting for our paperwork to make it's way through the court system, having little man here with us has dulled all of the anxiety of a post-loss pregnancy for me.

Happy 100 days little man!

Musical Monday

After hearing this NPR story - I finally bought myself some new music.

For me this is a major feat. Usually I hear something on NPR on the way home, think to myself that I will look it up later and then remember 2 weeks later when I have no clue what it was anymore.

This - I really love... I am by no means a classical music expert - hearing this just makes me feel peaceful. And lately peaceful is a very good thing.





And I think we finally have spring! I went outside without a coat just now. The sun is shining. And they are cutting the grass at work! That smell makes it feel 100% like spring is here!

My beautiful babies!

I am in love with my children!

We have had a couple of pretty crappy weeks - sickness, trees falling, washers dying, work issues, etc....

But through all of that these two little cuties make me smile from the inside out!

I started at least 10 diffeent posts about all the crap that was going on. But I realized that I just didn't care enough about it to write anything. It was bad, we got through it, now it's over!

These two - they are in love with each other. Yaya got all her animals and dolls out yesterday before school and sat with little man making up conversations between him and the animals. He just sat there cooing and laughing right along with her.

Who could ask for more?