Suprise Shower!!!

My co-workers suprised me with a baby shower today! They had a delicious lunch and beautiful decorations!!! It was really, really wonderful.

The cutest diaper cake ever - with a little sugar bear and baby on top. One of my co-workers is an expert cake decorator. She made the baby and the bear!This is the wonderful, amazing, incredible group of people that I work with! They really are part of my family.

It's been awhile since I've had any time to post.

First and most important - NST/Ultrasound this morning was GREAT!!! Worth the drive in the rain to get more good news. I will be 34 wks on Friday with no problems to speak of!

Second - A few weeks ago my sister told everyone that she is pregnant! Due in June 2010. She told her OB about me and my wonderful funky blood. They did a thrombophilia panel that same day. So far all of the tests have come up negative. Really great news for her! (How is it that I got to be the lucky one in the family??) A is really excited about Aunt Nana's baby because it can be twins with ours... (she also keeps saying that Aunt Nana has a little belly but her Mommy's is BIG!)

Third - We had our first ever baby shower this weekend! My MIL & SIL hosted a family baby shower for us this weekend in T's hometown. I was kindof dreading it - but we had a great time. T's family is just so amazing. Everyone (aunts and cousins etc...) made all kinds of good food and shared how happy they were for us. But then I looked around the room at how many of the women (my age and older) there who have had some kind of child related tradgedy touch their lives... One woman in her 60's was never able to have children after repeated miscarriages. One has had several IVF cycles and finally adopted three children. One just had a hysterectomy last year and has decided not to pursue adpotion. One is still undergoing IVF and IF treatments with no success. One that wants desperately to have children but is in no financial situation to do treatments or adoption. And one who's baby died at 30wks last November. All of that sadness in their lives and they were still there to help us celebrate. How amazing and special is that kind of family?

A neighbor to my MIL makes cakes... She is amazing!

My MIL made a diaper cake...

Me looking HUGE!!!!

Just another one of the Diaper Cake and gifts...

Fall

I think fall has arrived overnight here. All week we have had the kind of cold, wet miserable weather that no one likes to see arrive. Maybe it's just because I leave my house in the semi darkness every morning that I haven't noticed the changes.

But today - as I drove down the country roads that lead to our house I really noticed how beautiful everything is right now. We've gotten lots of rain so the lawns are all nice and green with lots of leaves scattered all over and the trees that still have leaves are red and orange and yellow. And there was just something special about the quality of the sunlight this morning. It was sunny and warmish and there was just a litle bit of drizzley moisture in the air to soften everything. It's just so amazingly beautiful. I want to go get my camera and take a picture so I can share it with everyone - but I know a picture won't capture the smell of the wetness or the feel of the air.

Happy fall!!!

32w ultrasound pics

Everything looked great yesterday! Little big boy weighs 4lbs now and finally turned himself around so he's head down. And best of all - still no signs of PE for me!!! Looks like we are heading into the home stretch.

Everyone who sees this 3d image says it looks just like my husband. It really is uncanny - it's the shape of his mouth and the nose mostly.

Tired

Sorry I haven't had much to say in the last week.

I have hit a major wall of exhaustion. I get home from work and I can't do anything!! I lay on the couch and am in bed by 10:00 and then I have to drag myself out of bed in the morning. For me - that's not normal!!!!

It is Market week here. For me that means days full of customer visits and endless walking in and out of showrooms. It's fun and exciting - but makes for really long days. And I realized that the next 2 months are the busiest of the season at work. Our sales meeting and line release week fall the week before my due date. It makes me even more tired just thinking about it!

I've got an Ultrasound, NST and Dr's appointment today. I'll post more about big boy later!

Support

Please give this family some love and support. Their beautiful son Henry was born to early as a result of preeclampsia. He is currently in the NICU fighting to survive.

Feeling better about things...

I had a much better day today.

We actually made some real progress. We (mostly T) combined our bedroom and the "office" into one room. It's a tight squeeze - but the best we could do given our limited space. What was the office and will (hopefully) soon be the baby's room is now a massive dumping ground of all the odds and ends that no longer have a home - but that is next weekend's project.

I didn't really do much of the actual moving and cleaning - but I'm still exhausted. It feels like I am continuously tired lately but I can't ever manage to get a good night's sleep.

With everything else I forgot to mention that YaYa has had the flu since last Wednesday. We didn't take any chances and took her to the Dr. the next morning. She's been taking Ta.m.iflu since last week. That really has made a difference for her. She was feeling better this weekend. Feeling better but still recovering and completely fed up with being house bound so she drove us CRAZY!!! We decided even though she was feeling better we needed to keep her home from the big yearly fair trip. She was disappointed - but I think it was harder for T's parents. They kept asking us to come anyway. Neither one of us felt comfortable with that. She wasn't feeling great yet and we didn't want to take the chance of her getting anyone else sick in the process. And somehow so far I've managed to avoid getting sick. T has been obsessive about using hand sanitizer and Lysol spray all over the house. I guess it pays off to be so vigilant.

Thursday is the first step in our baby reality wake up tour. We are all going to visit the labor and delivery department like regular everyday pregnant people. Feels wierd (and pretty good) - but I guess I kind of qualify as that now. Maybe this time I'll actually get to see what a maternity ward actually looks like.

A clean break

Do you ever think about making a clean break from your current life? Just getting in the car and walking away from it all?

Not from YaYa or T - but the rest of it - the rest of the big gigantic unmanageable mess that my life has become. I'm tired of making it all work. I'm tired of making myself believe that I'm OK with the way things are. I want a new life where I don't have to pretend and tell everyone what they want to hear.

Today everything about this almost here baby is reminding me about the baby that wasn't. The baby that could have been. The one who should be here right now - taking a nap in the room that I need to clean out.

But no I'm left packing up the remnants of her tiny little life; the cards and hospital papers; a little hat and sweater I made; and the book we took with us to the hospital to read to her after she was born. All of this has been thrown in a clothes basket in our bedroom for the past year and a half - waiting to be dealt with. I thought I was strong enough now, but I guess I was wrong.

31 weeks

WOW!!! Today marks 31 weeks for us. It is blowing my mind to be this enormously pregnant.

I remember thinking about being pregnant again after Ellie and being hopeful about making it to 28 weeks. When I found out I was pregnant this time I had plans for a September birth. In my mind I was hoping for 28 wks and planning for 24.

But now I'm so far beyond where I ever thought we would be - I feel guilty for being such a worried mess throughout the days and weeks that have gotten me here. I feel guilty for having a really good pregnancy when there are so many others out there who aren't as lucky.

More pictures

My Mom sent me a few more things yesterday and I finally took pictures of the other things I brought home with me...

Grams always had a hankie tucked into her sleeve. My mom sent me these from her stash.

She made this for me when I was born.

I found these fabric scraps when I was sorting out her sewing stuff. The pink fabric was from a dress she made for me in high school and the purple fabric is from an Easter dress she made for me when I was about 10.

This was her button tin. I sorted and re-sorted these buttons for what feels like hours while I was staying with Grams. It's funny - I opened the tin and just the smell of the buttons brought me back to that time with her.

I was so happy to find these two things still in her sewing room. I loved to play with her pin cushion when I was little. The doggie sewing caddy was made by my great grandfather (I called him "little grandpa") and originally used by my great grandmother ("little grandma"). I can remember palying with it at their house originally. Then Grams had it and I still played with it. I really wish I had a sewing room to put it in for YaYa to play with.

This is the oddest little thing - but he was always sitting on the counter in the bathroom. I know every grandchild has played with this little guy at one time or another - and he's got the scars and a band-aid on his butt to prove it. But he was always there...

This rolling pin is special. It is the one and only rolling pin Grams had from the time she got married. I can't even begin to fathom how many cookies and pies were made with this rolling pin. Thanksgiving and Christmas will never be the same. I guess I'm just biased - but I've never had a pie crust that I like as much as I liked hers. It was always perfect.

This may seem liek a strange one. It's my grandmother's second husband. My Mom's dad died when I was a little over a year old. So I never really knew him. (And it's still strange to formulate what to call him) This is the man that I think of as my grandpa. He was old school Norwegian - gefilte fish and all. He played the concertina in a polka band. I loved to be at their house when he practiced.

This is the picture that YaYa drew for me while we were at the funeral. I'm in the middle crying and "Grandma Great" is standing next to me watching from heaven. YaYa has talked about this a lot since we were in WI. In her mind baby Ellie and Grandma Great are together in heaven watching over us.

Found it!!!

Thanks to Bluebird for adding in the possibility of cottage cheese as an ingredient!!! I'm stopping at the store on the way home!

I found it on Cooks.com

PISTACHIO JELLO SALAD

12 oz. cottage cheese
3 oz. pkg. instant pistachio Jello
1 lg. Cool Whip
1 lg. can crushed pineapple, drained
1 c. chopped nuts
1 c. miniature marshmallows

Mix all ingredients together. Refrigerate.

Weird food

OK - up until now I've just had the normal run of the mill food cravings like pizza (I could eat that every night..) and grilled cheese.

But ever since the funeral last week where all the church ladies made the usual WI church dinner fare I have had this absolute need to find the recipe for this green whipped cream salad that my aunt used to make for every holiday. I always thought it was called waterloo or waldorf salad. But when I look either of them up - it's not what I remember. All I can remember is that it was green with whipped cream, marshmallows and pineapple.

I might just have to try and make it up and see what I get.

BTW - Had our 30 wk check up yesterday and everything still looks great!!! (knock on wood) I am just floored at how well this pregnancy seems to be going. My MFM even said yesterday that he felt like I was going to make it to full term and that PE wasn't going to show up this time at all!!!

Lov.e.nox math

A friend of mine just had to point this out to me the other day so I thought I would share it with you too...

I started doing shots in April (April 7th to be exact). It is now October.

From April to today I have done 366 injections.

60 - 30mg pre-filled syringes cost $1611 (without insurance coverage). That's $26.85 per injection.

So in the last 6 months I have managed to use 10,980mg of Lo.v.enox. That works out to be $9827.10.

To me - this all just cries out as a great big OUCH!!!

Ellie's Memory Tree

Since they live so far away from Ellie's grave my parents planted a memory tree in their back yard. It's some special kind of tree that my mom picked out (I can't remember what she said it was...) After they created this little area I ordered a carved stone for them with Ellie's name. It's been there since last spring but these are the first pictures I've taken. Mom and YaYa bought pumpkins - The big one for YaYa, the medium on for Big Boy and the little one for Ellie. YaYa drew faces on all of them and then took them outside to share with her sister.

Memories

I'm going to keep posting pictures and little tidbits this week. Even though I didn't have much time in WI after the funeral - I was able to collect some really special things of my grandmothers. Here's the first installment...

I learned many, many things from Grams but my favorite was sewing. From as early as I can remember she made my dresses. In every single holiday / family gathering kind of picture of me as a baby and child I am wearing one of the outfits she made for me. Eventually she made outfits of all of us - usually out of the same (or matching) fabrics.

Before leaving WI I helped my Mom start going through a few things. Grams had boxes and boxes of patterns. We all remembered different ones that she had sewn for us over the years.

When I was very young she would give me fabric scraps and I would wrap them around my barbies to make clothes. I pestered her for years to teach me to sew. Finally when I was 10 yrs old she decided I was ready for the sewing machine.

This is the very first pattern that I used. I made the shorts and tank top. It was a yellow knit fabric with white trim. I'm sure it was horribly made - but I was so proud of it.

This was one of the next things that I made. I think I used some calico print fabric for the dress - but I don't really remember it all that well.

I used this skirt pattern in various forms all the way through high school... I could probably still cut and make it from memory.

I used this one in 7th or 8th grade for my Home Ec project. Everyone else was making letter pillows. I remember thinking I was so cool because I knew how to sew and no one else did. It was about this time that she gave me my first sewing machine. It was hers from when she had first gotten married. It was on old black (cast iron??) Singer. It was a temperamental old thing - but I LOVED it!!!

This one was from 5th or 6th grade. I begged for weeks to get my Grandma to make this for me for my Christmas dress - as she said - it was just to "putzy". I knew it was - but what kid thinks of that kind of thing for long... Finally she gave in. It was my favorite dress ever. I wore it for the next 2 (and possibly 3) years until there was no possible way I could get it on any more.